How to become a people person
How often do we hear the refrain in tech (or more generally) that someone is “just not a people person” when explaining why a certain member of staff never socializes with colleagues, or even leaves their workspace unless absolutely mission-critical. It’s not only a common refrain, but a lived experience for many introverts that take an interest in tech because computers are easier to talk to than people, I mean they follow understandable and well defined rules for a start, which is more than can be said for the average person-person interaction.
Talking to people is hard, there are so many unwritten rules of behavior and it seems like they are constantly changing even mid-conversation, people expect you to be “on” all the time and it’s exhausting having to constantly try to choose the right dialogue option, like you’re playing an RPG and there are 100 different choices your character could say and 98 are wrong, oh and also you have to choose withing a second or two or people will start looking at you funny.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I’m one of these people and I’ve struggled for years to figure out how to survive social outings when all I really want to do is stay at home and play video games. But lucky for you, I’m here to help because I’ve learned how to survive in social settings and I’m here to give you the building blocks you need to make yourself (at least seem like) a people person, which will be valuable in both your personal and professional life.
Step 1: Practice
OK I’m sorry I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but the first step to getting better at interacting with other human is to get some practice. I remember a time when I would often refuse invites to social events and gatherings because it sounded (and often is) exhausting but the first thing you need to do is go find a group of people and get more comfortable being in conversation with them. This might sound hard at first, but step 2 is going to help take the conversational pressure off you and ease you in to having better conversations with others without exhausting your social battery too much.
Step 2: Show genuine interest in other people
I know this sounds pretty vague, but actually it’s super simple. To most people the thing they are most interested in is themselves, and their own hobbies and interests, so if you want to have a conversation with someone else and have them feel engaged and interested ask them about what they are interested in! Not only is this a shortcut to get the other person talking about their special interests (please, tell me more about why speedrunning Quake 2 is experiencing a renaissance), but it means that you don’t have to do too much work. Even better if you don’t know anything about what the other person is talking about, don’t pretend like you know what the other person is saying, ask them for more information and they’ll be thrilled to provide it. If you do this right, the other person will think that you are cool and interesting, even though you barely needed to talk about yourself and mostly just asked questions and responded with interest in what they wanted to talk about. I have personally made many friends using this method and some of them are still good mates to this day. By learning about other people you can find common interests and get great practice at conversation that will make social settings and even talking to your manager and colleagues at work easier for you.
Step 3: SMILE
I know it sounds obvious but nobody likes someone who mumbles and always looks downcast, SMILE AT PEOPLE and do it a lot. Practice open and friendly body language and make sure that whenever you make eye contact with another human that you hold it for a moment and smile as genuinely as possible. Humans are ultimately pretty simple animals and they like people that like them, communicate to other people that you like them and think that they are cool and interesting people and they will like you and think that you are cool and interesting! Even though people are less predictable than computers, they still follow a general set of conversational and social rules, learn them and learn to emulate them and you’ll get a lot of mileage out of some very simple techniques.
(BONUS STEP): Join our webinar and learn more about the importance of soft skills in the tech industry.
These skills I’m talking about are called soft skills, and they are very easy to learn and use. Join our webinar by registering at the link below and hear from Melissa Bates on the 17th of February how to develop your soft skills with actionable steps and resources you can use today.